The last of three singles before the upcoming, highly anticipated EP is released. Here, Filip further develops the sound he introduced in the previous releases SIRENS!, SIGNS, and WALK. Unprotected honesty in a way he has never been before, Filip tells a story of self-hatred, fears, and personal growth.
More about the song
Below is a post written by Filip where he shares his thoughts behind the song.
This Friday, I will release the most important and personal song I have ever released.
I started writing the song that eventually became “Happiness” during the summer of 2019. Initially, it lived in the hip-hop world. Then it transitioned and became a folk/alternative song, and then it turned into a piano ballad. Today, it has found its place within the genre where SIRENS! and SIGNS exist, although I don’t know what that genre is called. Initially, it was named Temporary Happiness Part 2 (part 1 is now called SIRENS!).
The song is about my personal growth, my anxiety, my self-hatred, and how I experience living with ADHD/ADD. I have had the incredible “luck” of being diagnosed with both ADHD and ADD. I have not met anyone else who has both, and it has made me feel incredibly lonely during many long periods of my life. Not because I have been searching for someone with the same diagnosis as me (because I received mine when I was 20 years old), but because I have felt alone in how my brain functions.
Being hyperactive and underactive at the same time is a tricky condition. I can have ants crawling all over my body while feeling paralyzed by fatigue. I can feel depressed and excited at the same time. Things are black and white for me, while also being gray. I am 100% extroverted. I am 100% introverted.
I have never been able to do anything in moderation in my entire life. It might sound funny or interesting, but ALWAYS being on the go, ALWAYS saying “YES FRIEND, I’M IN, LET’S GO” is incredibly demanding.
At first, I thought I was 100% extroverted, which made me unhappy because I neglected my introverted side. Then I did the opposite and continued to be unhappy. I have always tried to fit myself into a category with other people, which I have failed at.
When I received my ADHD/ADD diagnosis, many things started to become clear to me. But I still had a lot to learn about myself. And I still do.
I can still be sad and genuinely mourn the Filip I used to be. The one who “left” himself to become someone else (hoping to feel better) so many times. I haven’t spent enough time with myself, nor have I had the chance to say goodbye to myself when I’ve become someone new.
I recorded all the vocals in one session and never had the energy to redo them because it was so damn demanding. I have never cried so much in the recording booth before. You can probably hear it in some parts of the song, but that’s how it’s supposed to sound, I have decided.
SIRENS!, SIGNS, and HAPPINESS don’t belong to any category. Just like me. Maybe that’s our category. I would be very happy to hear what you think of this song when it is released. If there’s anything you can relate to. If you do, please feel free to reach out if you feel like you need to talk. I’m happy to listen.
Songwriter: Filip Killander
Producer: Filip Killander
Mixing: Filip Killander
Mastering: Filip Killander